I am struggling to write succinctly and in an organized fashion, so please bear with me. I have not written in quite some time, and in the time being, I hope anyone who had been reading maintained the assumption that no news is good news. But now I will briefly try to wrap up the blog series about my experience abroad.
My exchange year in Brazil is over. It went by quite fast. It felt like a circle: starting at one point, making a wide curve and speeding up as it returns to the origin and coming to a close. In this final blog entry, I imagine that I’ll try to say either too much or too little. The odds are quite low that my words will do justice to my emotions and experiences, but I hope I can say more than nothing.
I like to imagine my body being dropped into Brazil, perhaps out of a helicopter and landing with a parachute, while the true essence of who I am stays in America and goes on a slow, ten month quest to find my body. I started out completely off balance. Take away friends, trust, and the ability to communicate, and you find yourself an uncomfortable person. As my essence - that’s what I’ll call it - approached my body, I became more comfortable. I rediscovered who I am. I made it back to the origin as a slightly older and wiser version of myself.
In retrospect, it’s funny to me. I didn’t like most of the exchange students when I first met them. I reckon it was because of my own personal insecurities. In the beginning I think I was a very closed person because I was experiencing emotions completely foreign to me, and I didn’t trust anyone enough to talk about them. I also came to Brazil with a certain standard of what a friend of mine ought to be like. It’s cute how I thought my standards were realistic, considering I was going to be surrounded by people from completely different countries, products of cultures completely different from New Ulm, Minnesota.
After a few months, I opened myself up. I became more comfortable with myself, and thus more comfortable interacting with other people.
Meanwhile, I was learning a new language. I won’t go into depth about it, but it went something like this. When I arrived I could convey very basic messages in an excruciatingly slow manner; after a short while I could understand the routine get-to-know-you questions that often came my way. Now I am at the point where I can understand when other people speak to each other, and I can not only communicate what I want to say, but I can also share my personality. Becoming fluent to a certain extent in Portuguese has been very rewarding. I believe that I have a much better appreciation for the value of language, not only as a means of communication, but also as a means of expression. The way I felt with the inability to speak compared to the way I feel with the ability to speak is the difference between night and day. After flirting with the idea of studying Spanish in college and praying that I wouldn’t forget Portuguese, I eventually decided that I will stick to Portuguese. I hope that some day I will be able to speak it as well as these foreign folks speak English.
Speaking English with non-native speakers for such a long time has extracted from my vocabulary. Due to the fact that I do speak English every day, I haven’t forgotten as much as I previously imagined I would, but I am noticing that I use the stutter word ‘like’ far too often and that I have forgotten American slang and perhaps have replaced it with Australian slang. (Australians talk to people from all corners of the earth as if Aussie-Slang were the universal language; as if everyone knows what “thongs, runners, Mackers, and chinwag” means.)
I will briefly discuss Brazilian culture. In addition to the warmth and hospitality, the most blatant thing I have noticed here is that everyone is nice to each other - all the time. It was interesting to discover that I never should have been worried about people saying nasty things about me behind my back; to me this seems like something that doesn’t happen in Brazil.
Brazilians are sweethearts. Today, the kids in my class threw me a going-away-party during intervalo (break, or recess, if you must). I was completely surprised and flattered. The kids in my class are really good in the way they are treating me now during the end of my run. It seems that they have put themselves in my position and have done their best to understand the complex emotions that I am going through. I cannot adequately express my appreciation for that.
Essentially my exchange exposed each and every insecurity I have ever had, and made me deal with it. Without the backup of friends and the ability to speak, I was a vulnerable person. But as time passed and I began to acquire these essentials which I had longed for, I re-learned how to be secure. I am willing to say that in the relationships which I have built, I have come to love the people I have met. It’s not the same way I love my mother. It’s not the same way I love my father, or my siblings, or my nephew, or my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, or our dog. It’s a different kind of love, but it is love nonetheless. The transition from mute to speaker, from lonely to surrounded by loved ones is something that I endured in the last ten months. And it is something that has brought about some changes in me.
I have no way of knowing who is out there reading this blog, but to all of those who have sat behind their computer screens and contemplated the words I have written, I give thanks. The idea that someone else takes time out of his or her day to read about what is going on in my life is humbling. Thank you for your patience and loyalty. I realize that to anyone who had any expectations, this final entry may have been a letdown. But nonetheless, I appreciate that it was read. I will see many of you this weekend, and I imagine I will see almost all of you by North American summer’s end.
My exchange year in Brazil is over. It went by quite fast. It felt like a circle: starting at one point, making a wide curve and speeding up as it returns to the origin and coming to a close. In this final blog entry, I imagine that I’ll try to say either too much or too little. The odds are quite low that my words will do justice to my emotions and experiences, but I hope I can say more than nothing.
I like to imagine my body being dropped into Brazil, perhaps out of a helicopter and landing with a parachute, while the true essence of who I am stays in America and goes on a slow, ten month quest to find my body. I started out completely off balance. Take away friends, trust, and the ability to communicate, and you find yourself an uncomfortable person. As my essence - that’s what I’ll call it - approached my body, I became more comfortable. I rediscovered who I am. I made it back to the origin as a slightly older and wiser version of myself.
In retrospect, it’s funny to me. I didn’t like most of the exchange students when I first met them. I reckon it was because of my own personal insecurities. In the beginning I think I was a very closed person because I was experiencing emotions completely foreign to me, and I didn’t trust anyone enough to talk about them. I also came to Brazil with a certain standard of what a friend of mine ought to be like. It’s cute how I thought my standards were realistic, considering I was going to be surrounded by people from completely different countries, products of cultures completely different from New Ulm, Minnesota.
After a few months, I opened myself up. I became more comfortable with myself, and thus more comfortable interacting with other people.
Meanwhile, I was learning a new language. I won’t go into depth about it, but it went something like this. When I arrived I could convey very basic messages in an excruciatingly slow manner; after a short while I could understand the routine get-to-know-you questions that often came my way. Now I am at the point where I can understand when other people speak to each other, and I can not only communicate what I want to say, but I can also share my personality. Becoming fluent to a certain extent in Portuguese has been very rewarding. I believe that I have a much better appreciation for the value of language, not only as a means of communication, but also as a means of expression. The way I felt with the inability to speak compared to the way I feel with the ability to speak is the difference between night and day. After flirting with the idea of studying Spanish in college and praying that I wouldn’t forget Portuguese, I eventually decided that I will stick to Portuguese. I hope that some day I will be able to speak it as well as these foreign folks speak English.
Speaking English with non-native speakers for such a long time has extracted from my vocabulary. Due to the fact that I do speak English every day, I haven’t forgotten as much as I previously imagined I would, but I am noticing that I use the stutter word ‘like’ far too often and that I have forgotten American slang and perhaps have replaced it with Australian slang. (Australians talk to people from all corners of the earth as if Aussie-Slang were the universal language; as if everyone knows what “thongs, runners, Mackers, and chinwag” means.)
I will briefly discuss Brazilian culture. In addition to the warmth and hospitality, the most blatant thing I have noticed here is that everyone is nice to each other - all the time. It was interesting to discover that I never should have been worried about people saying nasty things about me behind my back; to me this seems like something that doesn’t happen in Brazil.
Brazilians are sweethearts. Today, the kids in my class threw me a going-away-party during intervalo (break, or recess, if you must). I was completely surprised and flattered. The kids in my class are really good in the way they are treating me now during the end of my run. It seems that they have put themselves in my position and have done their best to understand the complex emotions that I am going through. I cannot adequately express my appreciation for that.
Essentially my exchange exposed each and every insecurity I have ever had, and made me deal with it. Without the backup of friends and the ability to speak, I was a vulnerable person. But as time passed and I began to acquire these essentials which I had longed for, I re-learned how to be secure. I am willing to say that in the relationships which I have built, I have come to love the people I have met. It’s not the same way I love my mother. It’s not the same way I love my father, or my siblings, or my nephew, or my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, or our dog. It’s a different kind of love, but it is love nonetheless. The transition from mute to speaker, from lonely to surrounded by loved ones is something that I endured in the last ten months. And it is something that has brought about some changes in me.
I have no way of knowing who is out there reading this blog, but to all of those who have sat behind their computer screens and contemplated the words I have written, I give thanks. The idea that someone else takes time out of his or her day to read about what is going on in my life is humbling. Thank you for your patience and loyalty. I realize that to anyone who had any expectations, this final entry may have been a letdown. But nonetheless, I appreciate that it was read. I will see many of you this weekend, and I imagine I will see almost all of you by North American summer’s end.
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